Information that is Empowering to the Adopting Parent

As an adopting parent my suggestion is to get informed during the wait period! As your physical and emotional energy is precious at the moment and will be even more so when your baby arrives - Put down those books about adoption that are adding to your anxiety and focus your energy on specific information that can empower you. Here are some of the important Topics to consider and questions to ask yourself as a pre-adopt parent.          

Adoption:

·         How did you come to chose adoption? Normalizing and exploring your excitement and anxiety is important.  What are your fantasies and fears about who is coming? Get in touch with the true positive and joyous intention for bringing a baby into your life.

·         Preparation for becoming parents:  How are you creating physical and emotional space for your child in your daily life: as an individual and as a family unit.

·         Gaining some understanding of your strengths and skills as a parent are as important as understanding your parent traps and triggers.  Make a list of both. How do you problem solve? How do you  make decisions? How do you manage crisis? These are all important truths to know about yourself, that will prepare you for becoming a parent.

·         As a couple (and individual) it is good to begin strong as a parent. Begin to practice and talk about and make parenting choices/decisions (together) before the baby  arrives (the paperwork and making appointments during the process of adopting is an arena of great practice)  ie. When your baby comes home will the baby be in a separate room sleeping or in your bedroom?  How are you sharing the parenting responsibilities?

·         Get your community Support on board.  How are you preparing the community for your adopted child. 

a) Extended family first. b) Who else?  c) How will you introduce your adoption? What are your chosen limits on privacy?

·         Baby care information/(take an infant CPR class).  What do you need?  Childcare: Initially, keep in mind bonding time with you, the parent, when considering childcare.  It is useful to find someone who has some understanding of adoption, and is consistent, who can care for your baby when you are unable to do so due to going back to work. Try to take extended time off work to bond with your baby.  An optimum amount is 3 months. 

·         Gain some information about how you can encourage a secure bonding and attachment with your child? (attachment focused parenting by Daniel Hughes is a good resource)

·         Information about the New born brain and development.  Even though it will cause some anxiety get some clear information about how drugs and alcohol impact  the brain.  Any lasting impact is unknown until the baby is older if your child has been exposed.  However, becoming informed allows you to ask informed questions of your pediatrician when you have concerns.        

·         Open adoption What is it? (if that is what you are chosing) – Gain information so that you can discover what it means to you and your child? Begin to write down what it means to you.
                                                                                         

Become informed about adoption! This is an additional responsibility for adopting parents so you can advocate for your child,when many of life's situations calls for your support and guidance.  Gain some understanding of the 7 core issues of adoption and their  influences on individual and family development and times of transition. And lastly, spend time with a baby while you are waiting!

Domestic New Born Adoption

Do you want to adopt an infant ? If so, then probably the best route of adoption  for you is to find a good adoption lawyer who can oversee  and guide you through the entire legal process.  Find an adoption lawyer who specializes in new born adoption.  The attorneys who work in this specific area of law are often caring and extemely experienced in  guiding their clients through the twists and turns of the law.
Here are some of the specifics that you might expect to experience working with an adoption attorney:

• The structure of adoption is 'open adoption' unless the Birth parents (mainly the Birth Mother)  choses otherwise.
• Adoption attorneys work closely with the Birth Mother. If  the Birth Mother is married, then the Birth Father will also need to consent to the adoption. Both of the Birth parents are considered and respected in the "open adoption" process.
• The attorneys will take care of overseeing the terminating of the Birth parents rights and the certification of the adoption.
• Birth parents are valued and respected in the adoption process.
• The Birth Mother and the Adopting parents will often be matched by the attorney.
• The attorney will facilitate the legal process if a match of Birth and Adopting parents has already been made by an adoption agency.
• Single Adopting parents are accepted and supported as valid parents to be by adoption attorneys. 
• LBGT adopting parents are supported and accepted by adoption attorneys. 
• The adopting process is short compared to International adoption once the match  of  Birth and Adoptive parents has been made.
• The process of adopting to the certification of adoption is less than a year.
• Often you can take your baby home from the hospital.
• Adoption attorneys often have a network of experienced adoption professionals (ie. counselors/social workers/post partum doulas/pediatricians) to whom they can refer adopting parents pre and post adoption.