Wednesday, January 26, 2011

single parent adoption- second cornerstone

The second cornerstone is creating and maintaining a community or local family support. My clear decision to adopt came out of community. A 10 day silent meditation New Year retreat . This was a community of people guided by a teacher Toni Packer, who gathered every year at this time to sit together in silence with the same spiritual intention. At the end of the retreat, I joyously declared to a friend that I was going to be a mother and that I am adopting my daughter from China. My friend replied “that is wonderful” as if this sought of event happened every day! My daughter was born on the other side of the world about the same time I made the decision.

Out of community has come an outpouring of support for my daughter and I over the years, for which we are both grateful. Opening up to community and support goes two ways and for some single adults this can mean getting out of your familiar comfort zone. It means opening up to giving and receiving generously. Once you decide to become a parent nothing can stay the same. (like your schedule. The uncertain time of adoption is really good practice for the real thing of parenting and living with a dependent little person). Finding your community is worth every moment of vulnerability and heart-felt connection. Our community has provided adult play-dates and sleep- overs; play-dates with friends for my daughter while I take time for myself and adult relationships; comraderie with other single parents with adopted Chinese daughters; gymnastic scholarships; meals when I am sick; emotional and spiritual support and laughter, definitely laughter.

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