LOOK ,WATCH AND LISTEN – Our tendency as parents, during those times when our own children are acting out, is to respond quickly and to react and become active in trying to change their behavior. (as we may feel out of control and threatened ) Unless your child is doing unsafe and dangerous behavior which involves a quick in the moment response then naming the feelings you see motivating the behavior or the body/facial expression you see expressing a feeling is a way to show attunement. Then take action. (children, even when pushing away and acting out , still want to have the parent stay connected in some way and at least attempting to understand why they are so unhappy and scared and emotionally distant and angry) . There will be an energetic push/pull; Go away/stay here during these times. As parents we have to be OK with the fact that our children will lash out verbally and say hurtful and disrespectful things during times of extreme stress. (Remember it is situational and not personal. What are the circumstances that cause your child to go into stress? What do you know about your child’s history that may cause ‘sensitivities’ to certain situations?